Falling in Love with Him Again and Again

I don’t know where to begin, but I’ve found myself reconnecting with him once more. For some reason, I always seem to melt when I’m with him. But this time, it feels different. I’m truly involving God in everything I doubt about him, seeking guidance in each decision I make. It’s as if every moment with him feels like a prayer, a whisper to the universe asking if this is finally right.

Here, I just want to pour out how deeply I feel for him. Maybe if he disappoints me later, it’s okay—I've been there before, and I've survived. This tall guy with an innocent face really turns my heart upside down. They say that when you’re in love, your logic doesn’t work, right? I admit that’s true. My thoughts are constantly filled with him, his words, his actions, and every little thing he does that makes my heart flutter.

But in our current relationship, I really hope I can use the word "our" more often, haha. It’s about understanding each other more, compromising where it’s needed, and growing together. And I’ve come to realize that my ego is quite high too. Not everything I do based on logic is right; there are things that cause him to suffer as well. The biggest issue is that I don’t fully trust him. Even though I’ve reconnected with him, I still keep telling myself not to trust him too much. But that makes me uncomfortable, makes me more anxious, even though he hasn’t done anything strange. I find myself questioning his every move, analyzing his words, trying to protect myself from being hurt again.

Sometimes I wonder, are there still people like him? He’s not naughty, doesn’t do anything weird, though he can be quite annoying. Especially now that I’m third in his list of priorities, below work and his beloved plants. It’s ironic that I find myself competing with his plants for his attention. But it’s cute that he’s into plants now, considering I’m the one who used to love them. It makes me like him even more, seeing this new side of him that I hadn’t noticed before. He’s grown in ways I never expected, and it’s both surprising and endearing.

Today, he shared stories about his past. I was jealous hearing it, but afterward, I realized that he once was a genuinely sincere person who was betrayed. Oh, we’re in the same boat, haha. His vulnerability makes me feel closer to him, like we’re two wounded souls finding solace in each other. I can see the scars in his heart, and I want to be the one who heals them, just as I hope he’ll help heal mine.

I just hope that if you ever read this post, please don’t tell me because I’ll be super embarrassed, haha. I’ve started to limit my interactions with the others man since you came back into my life, especially when it comes to personal matters. Because I want to respect you as my partner, I want to spend a lot of time with you because I feel like you’re my source of energy. Every conversation with you, every smile, every laugh, feels like a breath of fresh air that fills me with life. I want us to build something real, something lasting, something that will stand the test of time. I hope we can last forever. I love you. I love you more than words can express, more than my actions can show, and I hope you feel it too.